"NEXT COSMOS IN 5D" DIGITAL DOWNLOAD: Q'S NEW DOUBLE ALBUM! Listen & Read the Storyline in the description!


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Throughout the Cosmos, there are countless Djs who play infinite types of music on countless devices, just like your planet’s turntables . This is a story about a crew of superhuman champion skratchers from another cosmos just next to yours. In some of their galaxies, when you win their biggest Dj battle on certain planets, you get to rule over that whole world’s society. There is no need for money because everything you want can just be easily made with the highest quality atoms simply printed into existence from living computers who coexist in balance with humanoids and every form of life. All food, water, energy, etc. is free. So all things creative like art, music, games, dance, etc., are predominantly what everyone is occupied with. Notoriety would be more important than money… by making beautiful things for the planet, an entity will be recognized and get to create even greater things with others. The key to infinite happiness is a simple karmic thing which comes from giving others happiness. The goals in life are simply to constantly create heaven on their worlds as much as possible with their unique gifts from the highest creator.


1. KANDYLAND - An enormous planet trapped in glass. They are holding their biggest Dj battle to find the best Djs from their world. The only way for this encased planet to ascend and be released back into the galaxy, is if the winner of their main Dj battle wins, and she or he gets to choose the best path for that world. They are predominantly a peaceful planet and have no no clue it is about to be invaded by an evil alien army of skratchers determined to control it with skills only they have secretly developed. The rules, once again are: They who win the skratch battle, also have the right to rule over the planet and all of it’s citizens.

2. STORM RIDERS - As the battle begins, The evil one known as The Imposter (a humanoid with a crab face), instructs his minions, The Storm Riderrs, to distribute a small device that enhances the skratching ability for the competitors. A tattoo or almost microscopic implant is inserted into the hands of Djs which allows the user to have super human speed and agility. Although without them knowing, the implant also connects their brain frequencies to the Imposter’s main computer, allowing full control of their minds.

3. PLAGUE - The huge evil crew of Djs, led by The Imposter, have perfected a way to rig all the Dj battles by incorporating their own members into the judges’ panels and positions that would give them the advantages in as many ways possible. The Imposter and his Storm riders use this strategy to say certain rules in dj battles must be changed, but in reality it gives them more power by benefitting the particular skills only they have developed. 

4. GAUNTLET - The crew known as the Time Bandits (the Djs that oppose the Imposter) reveal themselves to the Storm Riders by entering the battle and refusing to accept the unnatural implant. But it was all a trap to capture the whole team and anyone who refuses their evil technology. The Time Bandit’s only way to help the planet escape the glass prison now, is by winning the competition, which is a maze of particular skratch challenges created by The Imposter. Only he and the Storm Riders know how to do these secret techniques, such as the almost impossible “Deadly Venom” Skratch. This Dj Gauntlet game can instantly transport the losers to an unknown time line if any wrong skratch is made. The Time Bandit Djs are the best in the galaxy, but just cannot compete in this type of Wax Warfare.

5. CHEMICAL WARFARE - With all competitors and most of the Time Bandits eliminated, The Storm Riders remain victorious, allowing them to take over the planet. The result is the planet’s population is now under control by their new leader, the Imposter. He and his Storm Riders implement new laws affecting Candyland’s consumer system. His new food products for them claim to be full of health benefits making you more superhumanly creative, but in reality these products are infested with microscopic robots that take over their bodies. The Imposter can now have full control over their minds, and they will do whatever he wants. This microbot technology also infects the plant, insect, sea and animal kingdoms, slowly turning them all into soulless creatures all connected to the Imposter’s hive mind computer.


6. TEMPEST - Most of the Time Bandits team are forever lost in unknown timelines never to be seen again due to them failing the rigged Gauntlet Skratch challenges. Only a few exited the fixed tournament as soon as they saw what was happening. Life on Candyland is quickly being transformed for the worst. A once tropical and technologically advanced planet is now a cold, soon to be lifeless world of artificial intelligence. The remaining Time Bandits have no choice but to abandon this mission… suddenly by a swamp, the youngest Dj, Tempest is seen helping a drowning seahorse woman. The creature looks to be turning partially robotic. With circuitry sparking on parts of it’s body, she points to a path that leads deep into the planet’s inner cave system. The huge seahorse woman instructs the Time Bandits to seek out the one known as the Dream Catcher… A 3,000 year old Dj who holds the sacred skratch scrolls with the history of the first ancient skratchers. He will be found in the Moldavite Caves deep below this city. Long ago, he was the planet’s first wax warrior. He will know how to defeat The Imposter.

7. TIME BANDITS - The Time Bandits have a Looking Glass Cube that has special technology which shows the history of Candyland’s past, but not all of it. They learn the story of the planet's beginning’s and how it got to be entrapped in a giant bottle. Their new mission is to help this planet escape the glass prison and let it return on it’s natural ascension course. The Time bandits have been winning these Dj battles because of their talent to not only bend sound with skratching, but also bend time. They have taken the art of skratching so far ahead that they are able to open rifts in the fabric of space and travel forward or backward in time. Now they need more answers, and so they begin the quest to find the Dream Catcher.

8. DREAM CATCHER - The path takes the Time Bandits through a vast emerald cave system, finally to a dark dead end. Dust fills a beam of light that gets bigger as a hidden door opens on a crystal green wall. The floor slowly moves forward bringing them inside a marbled palace to a room with windows to a purple sky and pink clouds. Sitting upon a large throne with turntables at the ends of the armrests, the Dream Catcher, with a long white beard that seemed to hover around him in all directions as if it were wisps of smoke, welcomes them in and says, “I know what your mission, but only a path of intense training must be experienced in order to defeat the Imposter. You must seek out the 5 Galactic Grand Masters scattered throughout the 5th dimension. These were the earliest wax warriors far older than I. They are from the beginning of the creation of this galaxy and have never stopped training. They will show you the way to an invincible skratching power which can only be achieved by mastering each of the 5 Galactic skratch techniques. Upon Mastering these secrets they will each give you a magical gift which will further your skills. Bring back these 5 Turntable Treasures and I will show you how to defeat the The Imposter and all his Storm Riders. This will stop their evil mind games on the worlds they have captured. The Time Bandits will be safe here, only the youngest one of you can enter the portal to the 5th dimension located inside the floating lake.”Heads bow together and rings touch as the youngest member of the Time Bandits, Tempest, is chosen to go alone and learn the 5 Sacred skratch secrets and gather the 5 Turntable Treasures, as he walks into what looks like a hovering pool of silver mercury.

9. GARDEN - In the magical 5D realm, the young Tempest enters through a backward flowing waterfall into a gorgeous garden of swaying plants. Some small flowers bend to take a look him. Atop a large pink and green spotted mushroom, he is greeted by a beautiful mairmaid (air mermaid) known as Oasis, the 1st Galactic Grand Master. She perfected the art of skratching all musical instruments in the galaxy as if she were actually playing them. Oasis speaks telepathically without moving her golden lips. Her left eye glows turquoise and right eye violet. She had been anxiously waiting for this special time, and already knew he was after the 1st secret. “If you can answer this riddle, I will give you the gift of clarity… What is it that can destroy, heal, and also create?” Said the mairmaid. “That’s easy… the answer is sound!”, Yelled the Tempest. Oasis smiled knowing he was the chosen one. Her webbed hands draped him with a necklace holding the sacred Cosmo Rock. It’s said that this glowing stone is a particle of dust from the record of God! As the pendant touched his chest, his inner ear filled with glory as if he just tuned into one of heaven’s radio stations! With training, all those wonderful skratching sounds found deeply inside his unique soul will all surface for others to hear. “It’s beautiful… How can I repay you?” Said the Tempest, staring mesmerized by the dancing geometric colors he was hearing and seeing. “Your mission to save others with your gifts is my reward.” And with a swirl, she disappeared leaving a sparkling map hovering in the air.

10. WRIST GAME - With the sacred Cosmo Rock, The Tempest journeys to a high mountain top and witnesses the 2nd Galactic Grand Master in training. A plump hammerhead crocodile, known as the Cyclone, is creating mini tornados that cut through the snow revealing the Opal colored landscape underneath, all with a smooth graceful flick of his wrist on the turntables. The young Tempest greets the Galactic Grandmaster and with no hesitation is immediately given rules to be able to defeat him in a skratching game within the first 3 minutes, or never return and the secret of finesse will be forever gone. As the Galactic Grandmaster begins, his wrist moves with the gracefulness of a cat’s tail. When it’s the young Time Bandit’s turn, he is too rigid, and he is literally blown away into the snow by a small whirlwind skratch and a loud laugh from the hammerhead. Never allowed to return again, the young Dj uses his time travel technology to go back just a few minutes in time to start over, as the Grand master unknowingly welcomes the new challenge again. Many times will the Tempest get blown out into the snow, and have to restart, until the wrist technique becomes second hand and releases a small dust devil that glides across the surface of the snow. “How did you know the secret to my graceful whirlwind technique?” Asked Cyclone. The Tempest now in his teens, replied, “Watching you for so long… I’m just a fan”. “Speaking of fan, take this”, said the hammerhead. “It is the Discus of Agility. A record so lightweight that it almost hovers. It will allow you to skratch as if your hands were skating on ice!” The Tempest walked away backwards bowing in gratitude, fanning the Galactic Grandmaster.

11. FIRE ARMS - With the C-Rock and Discus of Agility, he travels next to a volcanic island and encounters Galactic Grand Master #3. A man made of rock, known as Fire-Arms, the one who skratches on giant metal wheels. He kindly demonstrates that his limbs of flames can blast boulders boulders into liquid. As such, the skratches should seek to be in a watery state and be able to blend with any and all forms of music. With this goal as the focus, the Tempest disappears from the grandmaster’s timeline for only a few minutes, and spends years upon years mastering skratching to all forms of musical genres and tempos. The Tempest reappears only minutes later from when he disappeared from the Galactic Grand Master. They both proceed to have a call and response skratch session to any song with ease. With the secret of Liquidity unlocked, He receives an ancient Turntable Treasure known as the Fader of Fortune! Forged by the hands of Fire-Arms himself. A perfectly balanced fader, great for training… never leave home without it. The more you use it, the more blessings in life you will have! The student, somewhat older now asks, “Galactic Grandmaster, how can I repay you?” Fire-Arms points to the moon and says, “Young man… you put water in a cup, it becomes the cup. You put water in my teacup… bring me a matcha boba, and hold the ice, thanks.”


12. THE ARCHITECT - 3 Skratching secrets and 3 Turntable Treasures obtained. The 4th Galactic Grand Master was a tall dragonfly man that was a champion rapper, and his skratching had infinite flavor. Legend has it, he was trained by one of the mythical Wave Twisters’ team members. The Architect dwells in an advanced forest world where nature and advanced technology are intertwined as one. The only currency they use in his land are seeds. Among the giant trees are futuristically advanced homes built throughout the enormous branches. A beam of light elevates the Tempest up a giant tree to a zen wooden entrance that opened like the lens of a camera, revealing a masked dragonfly humanoid in what appears to be a caped super hero outfit. “Welcome! I am Fly-Dragon the Architect!” The Tempest says “Please take me under your wing!” With that said, Fly-Dragon places the Dj inside a large birdcage with turntables and says, “You may not leave here until you can skratch the same phrase and make it rhyme in 99 different ways.” Inside the cage, the Tempest’s time travel technology does not work and he is forced to skratch in as many ways as he could until he runs out of ideas. Much time went by until he stopped and listened to the sounds of the birds and creatures in the surrounding forest. He began mimicking the infinite patterns they were making. This opened his mind to combinations of endless techniques, swings, rhythms, and varied poetic repetitions. And so another secret is unlocked as well as the door to his cage. “Thank you Grandmaster! How can I repay you for this great wisdom of the wax?” Said the Tempest. The Architect said , “Haha! You already did… It was fun having you as a pet skratcher! Take my last magical slipmat. It is known as the Cloak of Echoes. It will help your skratching flow like poetry!” “But I can’t take your last slipmat, grandmaster.” Said the Tempest. Fly-Dragon replied, “Oh I’m good, I just got these new Skratchy Seal Slippers!” 

13. JAW BREAKER - With 4 turntable treasures and secrets, the final 5th Galactic Grand Master must be found. Submerged in an underwater base that constantly changes locations because it’s always moving, the Tempest locates the Ancient Wax Warrior known as the Jaw Breaker. It is said that this Galactic Grand Master is untouchable. The Tempest enters the enormous domed room of windows, allowing you to see all the water creatures swim by. In from of the Tempest was a gigantic ball of purple spikes 3 times the size of him. It speaks with skratching a giant turntable at the same time. He is so skilled, the Jaw Breaker can say full sentences just by skratching almost any sample. The colossal sea urchin, once a champion boxer, now gladly spends his eternity training as a Galactic Skratch Master. Unless you skratch and speak at the same time, the Jaw Breaker will not communicate. So they begin a conversation that goes on for many days and weeks as the young Tempest is downloaded with all the unknown hidden skratch history from many past Wax Warriors from all the surrounding galaxies. All the while speaking and skratching at the same time. This develops the Tempest’s articulation in speaking with his hands. Finally the Jaw Breaker gives the Tempest a jar of Invisibl Skratch Piklz and bids him farewell. Only this time he speaks without skratching, but using his actual voice. The Tempest said, “Thank you Grand Master, but why weren’t you on the turntables that time?” The Giant Sea Urchin replied in a high pitched voice, “Eh, I’m all thkwatched out.”

14. SPACE INVADER - With 5 Turntable Treasures and 5 sacred skratch secrets, the Tempest leaves the 5D realm back to the emerald cavern on Candyland. Many years have passed in training with the Galactic Grand Masters, but with time bending technology, the Tempest appears just less than a year after he first left through the Floating Lake. His re-entry alerts the team, and now with a small beard, he greets the remaining Time Bandits crew as if he hasn’t seen them in ages. 

15. THE IMPOSTER - On a giant video monitor in the Dream Catcher’s cave, the Time Bandits watch an advertisement for the upcoming Galactic Dj Battle. Obviously made by the Imposter and his Storm Riders to bias the crowds in their favor. A close up of the Imposter’s turntable needle on the big screen and The Dream Catcher reveals to the Time Bandits, that the Imposter is actually the 6th Galactic Grandmaster who stepped down from the 5th dimension to rule here in the 4th Dimension. He alone holds the key to the infamous 6th Deadly Venom skratch. It is said that the shiny crystal on the tip of his Stylus of Mysteries, emits an energy that can make his opponents go mad or be put in a state of shock, or fear, rendering them frozen and unable to battle.

16. BREAKOUT - Escape through secret tunnels takes the Time Bandits back to the surface world, but also connects to a chamber where you can hear the Imposter and the Storm Riders training. The dark walls that lead up to where they are practicing are made up of charcoaled looking hands of all the previous Djs who have lost in battles with the Imposter. If you touch them, it will alert the Storm Riders. One of the Time Bandits notices their team’s ring on one of the dark hands moving slowly in the wall and touches it, causing the alarms to sound. 


17. VENOM - The final 6th lesson can only be taught by the evil leader of the Storm Riders. The Dream Catcher opens the jar of Invisibl Skratch Piklz and instructs the Time Bandits to each take a bite. In seconds, the whole crew dissolves from vision making them unseen. As the guards run out to check who sounded the alarms, the cloaked Time Bandits sneak into the training area and watch the Imposter teach his Storm Riders the secret of the 6th Deadly Venom.

18. GLADIATOR- The day has come to see who can beat the unbeatable ruling Imposter and his Storm Riders. A procession leads all the planet’s greatest Wax Warriors to a giant turntable stage inside of a huge 8 sided colosseum. Led by a more mature looking Tempest, the Time Bandits, in full gear, walk in ready to battle. The huge crowd is made up of every skratching creature you can think of, from every neighboring galaxy. In attendance are legendary Wax Warrior rulers from many planets close by. Dj Longkut, known for his Vanishing Nipple Technique. Fix Faster Fike, notorious for his Invertigo skratch, making his opponent’s buttocks appear in the front. Free-Smiles, infamous for his Sinister Grin skratch which made his last opponent have instant explosive diarrhea. Q-Bot, right half Octopus in a tank, left half freshly groomed Pomeranian… not really known for anything other than, he’s just always at these events throwing pop corn.

19. OCTAGON - The battle begins…  and all losers are dismissed to an unknown time line, which is most likely the Wall of Hands. The Time Bandits team and other Djs are diminishing in numbers, losing to the amazing skratching skills of the Imposter and the Storm Riders. Lots of amazingly strange futuristic skratching styles from other dimensions and beyond are brought to the battle, but the Tempest rises in ranks beating them from all his training.


20. TURMOIL - The final round shows that it is the Tempest vs the Imposter. The Imposter starts, knowing he will immobilize The Tempest with his Stylus of Mysteries. He releases a barrage of his Deadly Venom skratch, and everyone knows it’s game over. “Take that!” Said the Imposter. “You should be frozen stiff in fear after that attack!” The Tempest, flashing back to all that he’d learned from the 5D Galactic Grand Masters, steps forward and elegantly uses the Imposter’s same Venom skratch technique but in much more graceful and advanced ways. The crowd was silenced in disbelief… then suddenly they went into a frenzy, as they realized the evil Imposter has finally been defeated! As the winner, the Tempest frees everyone stuck in the lost timelines and banishes the Imposter and his Storm Riders to an even lower 3rd dimensional existence. With the planet finally released from it’s glass prison, the Tempest is asked by his now freed team how it was done. He said, “When we were cloaked, I simply swapped out his Stylus of Mysteries with one of these Jico replacement cartridges!” 


21. MESSAGE IN A BOTTLE - Life on the planet went back to its beautiful organic state, and all diseases were cured with simple healing sound frequencies that went across the world. Because the  planet was released from the bottle that encapsulated it, she ascended and merged into the 5D realm. For the Tempest and the Time Bandits, many lessons were learned and many Turntable Treasures acquired: The Cosmo Rock, Discus of Agility, Fader of Fortune, Cloak of Echoes, and a Jar of Invisibl Skratch Piklz. But there was a puzzle still unsolved. “How do we use this Stylus of Mysteries?” Said the Tempest to the Dream Catcher who was grasping his levitating white beard tails, also not really knowing the answer. Suddenly the Seahorse lady, no longer partially robotic but back to her organic beautiful state, walked out of the Floating Lake. Completely dry but still glistening said, “The Stylus of Mysteries has a crystal tip made from the diamond sands in heaven. It enhances your intentions a thousand fold. For instance, if you are skratching and projecting love to your listeners, they will feel that a thousand times over.The Imposter stole the Stylus of Mysteries from me long ago and used it with the intention of poisoning his opponents with his Deadly Venom Skratch. Congratulations on defeating him and moving our world into a higher dimension! How can we repay you… Galactic Grand Master 7?”

All praises to GOD

This album is dedicated to you, the skratch fan!

Produced, written & kut up by Dj Qbert 

Art by Osgemeos

Aya Matsuba on keys for Candyland + Tempest

Juan Alderete on bass for The Imposter

Mixed by Loopsdigi, Qbert & Matt Kelley

Look out for the new Invisibl Skratch Piklz album

featuring: D-Styles, Shortkut, & Q

Management: kendo@thudrumble.com


Twitter/IG:  @djqbert








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